In The Still of the Night.

In the still of the night as my loved ones lay sleeping and the house sits in silence, I take a moment to myself. As I sit quietly thinking about all the things I have to do over the next couple of months, of the things I need to buy, or the things I would like for myself I realise that it is so easy to get caught up in what were doing and what we need or want that we can easily lose sight of what we have that were thankful for.

So here’s what I’m thankful for:
I’m thankful that I’m loved
I’m thankful that I can love back
I’m thankful for my daughter and my partner
I’m thankful for my family and friends
I’m thankful for the laughter and happiness in my life
I’m thankful for my health and the health of my loved ones
I’m thankful for each day I’m here
I’m thankful that I have a voice that is heard
I’m thankful I live in a country that isn’t torn apart with violence and war
I’m thankful that I have a home and a roof over my head
I’m thankful for the ability to make each day a better day
I’m thankful I can change those things I’m not happy with
I’m thankful my daughter lives in a loving and happy home
I’m thankful I have choices

A small reminder to myself when I get caught up in the doing and the need and the want. When I want new things for LMM or the house, there are those that wish they had a house to call a home, a family to show them love or a friend to make them smile.
When I’m wishing I had more time in my day, there are those that wish they had more time, that wish they had another day with those they love or that they had their health so they could share in the joy and laughter of those being left.
When I’m feeling overwhelmed with the decisions I need to make or the choices I have, there are those whose only choice is to fight to decide on living or dying not on vintage vs shabby chic.
Life is a precious gift but not all of us or so lucky with the life were given to live. xxx

One handed!

I’m sitting here at my laptop trying to write this post one-handed, which is how I’ve done most things this week.

LMM has been extremely sick since Saturday and in turn has been very clingy. Wanting mummy or daddy to hold her 24/7 and bawling her eyes out if she’s put down even for a quick loo break. Who can blame her, she has boggers coming out her nose thick and fast, she has a chesty phlegm cough a temperature and a rash on her face from all the boggers getting smushed into her face. If it was me I’d just want someone to carry me around and give me TLC all day and night.

I know that there are many fathers out there who would more than likely not agree with me on carrying your child around, perhaps even some mothers, but I’m of the belief that as long as it’s not a permanent thing what’s the harm. Lets be honest as well, at 9 months old there will be a certain amount of hip action you can’t avoid as they are unable to walk yet!

I know my partner has conflicting views on the situation, which changed slightly when I asked if he would come home from work on Monday to help me as LMM was just inconsolable from word go that morning. He soon came to realise that tough love isn’t so easy when your 9 month old is crying, blowing bubbles from her nose and choking on the phlegm from her chest. So for nearly 2 hours he held her while she slept up against his chest in a beanbag, all the while busting for the loo and sporting a dead arm….Welcome to my world! For the rest of the day we took turns holding her so we could each have a break and get some chores done/get our sanity back. While I think perhaps he still isn’t too thrilled with LMM being a permanent fixture in our arms this week, I think he also realised sometimes you have to give the baby what it needs regardless of what you want.

It’s amazing what you can do with a child in your arms, asleep or otherwise. I managed to make a cup of tea, hold LMM while she slept and pay some bills (ok read Practical Parenting and watch a little Nashville on my laptop but bills sounds more efficient). This week while I had LMM in my arms I did 4 washings, put them in the dryer, folded and put them all away. Do the dishes and put them away. Brush my teeth, have a shower with LMM and well there’s more but I wont bore you with everything I accomplished during the week. I also learnt how useful your toes are for picking things up with when bending down with an infant isn’t an option, good old toes who knew they’d be so helpful!

LMM is now on the mend she’s happy to play on her play-mat, crawl about the house after me and doesn’t want held all day. Moments like this though when she still wants a cuddle to fall asleep make me realise, who cares what anyone else thinks. Life is so short and she’s going to grow up so fast. One day sooner than I realise she wont want mummy to hold her or rock her to sleep anymore. I’m going to grab every one-handed day that I can get and cherish every moment of it. xxx

It’s almost over….and about to begin!

Well as of tomorrow a horrendous part of my life will be over. I shouldn’t really say horrendous but towards the end of living in our rental I really was starting to just feel Bluh.
I had some lovely women come in to clean out the rental yesterday and I had to keep apologising to them for how dirty it was. The funny thing was that while I lived there I would swear that I kept it clean. I mean I know I was getting used to having a newborn and learning to juggle part-time work and a home life but the house after all the furniture and boxes moved out told a different story to the one playing in my head.
I promised the women that in my beautiful new home it would be lovely and clean for them when they came….This is where my partner rolls his eyes. ‘Whats the point of getting cleaners in if you’re going to clean it for them before they get there,’ well I don’t want them to think I’m dirty do I? Is my response to this clearly ridiculous question.
Tomorrow though I close the book on the depressing house that was hot in summer, cold in winter and full of those disgusting little black slug like crawly creatures that come in when its cold and wet.
No more ants, mice, energy-saving bulbs, or the concrete jungle of a back yard.
Hello to my beautiful newly built house which already has the promise of warmth, love and laughter. Minus any unwelcome intruders of any shape or form.
LMM is going to have the most amazing bedroom and playroom to make up for not having a proper nursery or play area for the first 8 months of her life.
Henry our Spanador will have a proper backyard and 3 parks around him to choose from for his walks.
As for my partner and I, well we jokingly call it the miracle house; where clothes will go in the clothes hamper, bedside tables will be free from water bottles, lolly wrappers and other bits of crap. Where we will get off our fat assess and go for family walks as often as possible and cook fabulous and healthy meals every night.
Here’s to a new beginning xxx

The Big ‘Let Go’

I made a promise to myself when I found out I was pregnant, that I wouldn’t let myself go. It’s a promise that I managed to keep while pregnant……not one I have kept since having LMM.

I was lucky during my pregnancy, I didn’t suffer morning sickness, I wasn’t overly tired and the worst thing I got was heartburn and headaches. So keeping my earlier promise to myself was easy I always left the house looking good (even if I do say so myself). Makeup on, hair done, clothes co-ordinated and everything that needed it I waxed and plucked.

Lets move to after LMM was born; for the first few months even though I felt tired and suffered with high blood pressure I still managed to keep my promise. I might note in here that part of the promise I had made to myself was to never wear my P.J’s past 9am. So far so good. P.J’s off the body before 9 o’clock and I left the house washed and looking not half bad (everything was still getting waxed and plucked at this point too).

I am now going to fast forward to the present day. My promise has left the building people, it has taken the express train to Reality Ville and parked up camp there.

Between, moving house, working, LMM teething and not sleeping through the night I’m lucky If I can pull myself out of bed let alone out of my Pyjama’s.

Firstly I can’t find half my clothes at the moment so my friends at work get to see me in lovely combinations of jeans, track suit tops and glittery flat shoes (this is on a good day!). My hairbrush has gone AWOL; so I’m substituting with my fingers a few bobby pins and the elastic bands we bundle our notes at work with. Makeup, if I do end up doing it, gets done in the car at work, and yes in there I have managed to brush my teeth and have a shower (I think, nah only kidding things aren’t that bad yet!).

To quote from one of my favourite movies at the minute…..My situation is no longer situated! Men at this point if your confused go and watch the movie ‘The Other Woman’, you’ll get the picture loud and clear :). I just don’t have the time to fully maintain at the minute, much to the dismay of my partner who isn’t thrilled on the 70’s look…my bushy eyebrows I meant…my goodness how low the mind goes! What did you think I meant?

The kicker for me is this, there are day’s when I’m at home and my pyjamas don’t come off till midday, mine or LMM. When did this reality happen? I’ve always taken pride in my appearance. That’s how my family raised me, to always leave the house looking respectable and well presented and I always have. That’s not to say that I’m walking round like a hobo or anything but for me standards have slipped.

If im brutally honest with myself though I don’t mind as much as I thought I would because it’s not as important some days as being with LMM or all the other things that need done, plus LMM doesn’t judge me on how I look just on how many hugs and smiles I give her and that’s a reality I can stand up to! xxx