Best Intentions

Before I had LMM I had all the best intentions, and for the most part I’d say I’ve definitely ticked all my best intention boxes…….NOT!!

There are some I’ve definitely stayed on track with like:

* Loving LMM every second of every day
* Making her smile every morning when she wakes up
* Giving her lots of hugs and kisses each day
* Making her laugh and smile as much as possible thru out the day
* Being there for her when she’s sick or under the weather and doing
everything possible to make her feel better

Then there are the best intentions I haven’t kept like:

* Letting LMM sleep in bed with Mummy and Daddy
* Making all homemade meals for LMM
* Not letting my sweet cherub eat any naughty food

Let me be clear though, I’ve tried very hard to follow through with these epic failures but following through with all your best intentions is hard. Especially when your child has just been sick with one thing after another and in between that she’s been teething and had surgery.

The one thing that I’ve learnt over the past 18 months is don’t be to hard on yourself if you can’t always do everything you want to do on your best intention list for your child.

When they’ve been sick for long periods of time like LMM has, you get to a point where you just want them to eat, you’ve cooked the homemade soups, made the macaroni and cheese from scratch, made stir fry’s, Chow Mein’s the list of foods you’ve tried to make homemade and healthy are endless.

In the end you just want to put something into their little tummies you’ll even resort to packet Mac and cheese, arrow biscuits, custard and apple pie. ANYTHING just so there’s something going into they’re little bellies.

It breaks your heart to see them nibbling on little bits or doing nothing but drinking water or their bottle. You throw your best intentions out the window and you try anything, even if it’s not homemade or its on your naughty list (Insert Mc Donald’s McNuggets and chips here, which by the way she hated and didn’t eat).

This brings me to my last best intention epic failure; sleeping in the bed with Mummy and Daddy. I’ve got nothing to say about this one except sometimes mummy just needs to sleep and its hard to do that when your child can’t breath with the cold or a chest infection, has hand foot and mouth and is crying all night, is teething and is up all night or has just had surgery and is in constant pain.

Sometimes for the sake of LMM so that I’m making sure I nurture her, making sure I’m giving her 110% and for the sake of mummy so she doesn’t have to get out of bed every fifteen minutes, there’s nothing wrong with having your child in the bed with you. I had to stop feeling guilty. This was easier to do with the more parents I spoke to who said sometimes mum and dad just need sleep and we bring our kids (note here multiple children) into bed with us.

So there is is, while I strive each and every day to fulfill all my best intentions that I set out for myself when it comes to LMM there are days when its ok to give yourself a break. Go easy on yourself, in the end as long as LMM is being loved, nurtured and looked after in the best possible way that’s all she needs and a bite of a Mars Bar isn’t going to do any harm either! xx

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Things to teach LMM x

To my darling daughter,

I hope that I can teach you everything that’s on this list and more. As you grow I hope that I add to this list and set you off on your life with a well-rounded sense of right and wrong helping you become a great young woman. You are my life, my treasure and my angel. You bring joy to everyone’s life that you touch and I hope that you always keep that loving joy and innocence that is present in you every day xx

So to that end my sweet child my words of wisdom I hope to teach you throughout your life:

* Always stand up for yourself and for those who are weaker than you
* Treat others with love and kindness, or as my grandpa would say treat others how you would want others to treat you
* Lead by example, don’t ask of others that of which you’re not willing to do yourself
* Try not to lie even little white lies have a way of coming back to bite you in the ass!
* No stealing, People work hard for what they have, why should you steal to get what you want
* Don’t be afraid to stand up for what you believe in, even if it seems like you are standing alone
* Never let anyone put you down or make you feel less of a person
* Never let anyone man or woman lay a hand on you EVER, to that end don’t let anyone physically or mentally abuse you!
* Don’t judge, no one really knows what is going on in another person’s life
* Give people a chance before you write them off
* Work hard, but make sure that you enjoy your life
* Go after your dreams
* Look after yourself, eat well and exercise
* Follow a good beauty routine (in the long run it’s cheaper than plastic surgery)
* Drink plenty of water
* Try not to binge drink….it kills off much-needed brain cells 🙁
* Don’t give in to peer pressure, even if it seems like the easiest option at the time
* Don’t do drugs… they are addictive and they can kill or ruin your life
* Smile and laugh a lot its the best medicine
* If you fall down or fail its ok just get back up and keep on trying
* Don’t let yourself be manipulated by anyone, use your own mind and make your own judgements
* Don’t be afraid to love and be loved
* Don’t let an opportunity pass you by
* Don’t be scared
* As long as I’m around your never alone and I’ll always have your back
* Listen to your mother without rolling your eyes, there will come a day when you will realise I know what im talking about!
* Dont fall out with your family, no matter what you do I will always love you and I will never shut you out from my life, if anything ever happened to you and I wasn’t talking to you I could never forgive myself. Family and especially a mum and a dad should never stop talking to their child (within reason)
* Don’t stay in a relationship if you’re not happy, you only get one life you don’t want to wast it in an unhappy relationship
* Belive in yourself, you are beautiful inside and out and you can do anything that you set your mind too
* I will love you always no matter what, with no limitations or restrictions.
* I will never do anything to hurt you and I will never let anyone else do anything to hurt you.
* Dont’ be afraid to ask others for help
* Grow up believing the best in people
* When your wrong say your sorry, it goes a long way
* Always strive to be the best version of yourself, reach for the stars and live your life amazingly
* Always go for what you want as long as you don’t purposely hurt anyone along the way
* Do things for others without expecting anything back in return, the gift is in the giving!

P.S small side note….. No one likes a whinger, a bitchy person, an angry person or a moody person so try and limit these things to only when really needed!

Love always your mother xx

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You know your life has changed when….

A good friend of mine is about to have a baby; lets call her irishmamma! We met up at my house a few weeks ago and I was telling Irishmamma how surreal my morning had been. My partner and I had taken LMM to the animal farm at Hillary’s and we were sitting having some lunch at San Churro’s and I pulled out my little lunchbox full of toddler sized goodies. As I watched LMM delve into her goodies with enthusiasm my heart skipped a beat and I realised how my life had changed.

Now I was saying to Irishmamma “your life is about to change and your going to be where I was 10 months ago”, and now my life is changing again as LMM races ahead to being a fully fledged 1-year-old. So in the spirit of change I asked my friends who are mummies to tell me:

You know your life has changed when:

You have a wardrobe full of hot 7″ inch heels and sexy dresses and the only time you get to wear them is when you’re vacuuming your house (ok maybe a slight exaggeration, but I’ve been close to it!).

When your daytime makeup is some concealer (to cover the baggies) and chapstick and your nighttime transformation is concealer, chapstick and mascara….It’s all glam baby!

Gone are the days of cute little outfits and in are track suit pants and track suit tops (covered in poop and vomit and snot!).

A night out without the baby consists of a trip to the Indian for take away a bottle of wine and movie on Netflix (never to be finished as your asleep after your 2nd sip of red).

Housework gets done at 10pm at night as this is the only alone time you get alone without an appendage stuck to you.

Your clutches are gathering dust in your wardrobe as you now travel with a suitcase.

A sleep in is…….There is no such thing, as you need to sleep to have a sleep in!

Instead of arriving on time you think you’re doing well if you’re 15 min late……..This is compared to the 1hr you would run late when you first became a mother.

You no longer want to buy for yourself just your little bundle of joy.

Your partner acts like a baby just to get some attention…..Note to all men out there, this is not an attractive quality. We already have a baby, we need a man not a manbaby!)

You’re holding poo in your bare hands.

Drinking hot coffee (or hot anything for that matter) is a luxury.

Having a shower is a luxury.

The consistency of your childs pooh dictates your meal plan…..and you think sweetcorn should be outlawed.

There’s pooh on your carpet and you don’t really care! (I’m starting to see a poohey trend here!)

Going to the Supermarket on your own is an outing.

Getting a full nights sleep is a luxury (Amen sister).

My life has changed and its going to change again and again and again……but it’s all fun and games as far as I’m concerned xx

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Memories

Recently I’ve thought a lot about memories; memories from my child hood and teenage years and from now. Here’s a thought for you though: How many memories from your childhood or teenage years do you remember clearly, like they just happened yesterday? As in you really remember the memory, not just something that one of your relatives have told you over and over and now it feels like your memory, and not a memory from a photo. A genuine memory that you remember vividly.

I’ll be honest with you a lot of my memories from when I was a child/teenager are very hazy which started to concern me as it made me realise that I was obviously pushing on in years and my brain was sifting out old memories to make room for new ones. I started to wander, does that mean that the older I get the memories from my youth are slowly going to start slipping away? In years to come only being remembered through family and photos taken along the way? What a sad notion.

I was reading an article about the significance that memories play in our lives: The article was all about how the memories we have and are able to recall are critical to how we think of ourselves, autobiographical memory is of fundamental significance for how we see ourselves, how we tap into our emotions and think of our experiences now and in the future.

Which got me thinking to the types of memories that we have: Such as memories that we store in the back our minds, memories that we put into little boxes and throw away the key, hopefully never seen or heard from again.

There are definitely memories that I think I have purposely not remembered clearly if at all, I’ve let them go a little hazy or can’t remember events at all (and no that’s not called a bottle of Tequila and a few Jager bombs). Perhaps as a defence mechanism to soldier on through another day. To protect the soft inner core of myself while I try to appear tough and strong on the outside.

Then there are those memories that we used to remember clearly but now we only remember a smell or a song, or a feeling associated with a memory. I have a few memories from late primary and high school where I remember a smell or a song vividly but only remember a small part of the memory attached. One such example is when I was in grade 5, I went on a date with a boy from the boys school he was a lovely boy cute, kind and funny and nervous as hell when we went to the movies. He was sweating so much that all I could smell as he tried to hold my hand was oatmeal hand soap. To this day I can remember that smell, but I couldn’t tell you what movie we went to see or what even happened on the rest of the date.

Then there are memories that we will never forget etched into our soul forever, brought to the surface at a moments recall.

One such memory for me was the day I found out I was pregnant. I could tell you what I was wearing, what I said as I rang my aunty on the phone sobbing uncontrollably to the point that all my aunty could understand was pregnant and even then I think she was guessing! As I stood at work holding the pregnancy test in my hand looking for my friend Beth and ending up with her husband Ben to double-check the little lines on my pregnancy test (No offence Ben!). I remember shaking all over not knowing if it was real, thinking that I was in a dream…….8 pregnancy tests and a blood test later and I finally believed it was real.

Since I’ve had my daughter I’ve definitely been trying harder to remember events from the past so when LMM asks me: Gee mum don’t you remember being a teenager…..as she’s just been caught sneaking out the house with a face full of makeup on and no clothes on….ok barely no clothes on. I can remember back to the time I went night-clubbing with my best friend at 18 wearing come f….k me boots (don’t judge that’s what they we called them back then),fish net stockings a tight black leather skirt and a low-cut top and say yes dear I do…..but your still grounded 🙂

Ah the joy of every day events that will one day be called a memory. Lets make all our memories count, live each day to create a wonderful memory and make sure you have people to share them with….you never know one day you might need them to remind you of one of them!

One handed!

I’m sitting here at my laptop trying to write this post one-handed, which is how I’ve done most things this week.

LMM has been extremely sick since Saturday and in turn has been very clingy. Wanting mummy or daddy to hold her 24/7 and bawling her eyes out if she’s put down even for a quick loo break. Who can blame her, she has boggers coming out her nose thick and fast, she has a chesty phlegm cough a temperature and a rash on her face from all the boggers getting smushed into her face. If it was me I’d just want someone to carry me around and give me TLC all day and night.

I know that there are many fathers out there who would more than likely not agree with me on carrying your child around, perhaps even some mothers, but I’m of the belief that as long as it’s not a permanent thing what’s the harm. Lets be honest as well, at 9 months old there will be a certain amount of hip action you can’t avoid as they are unable to walk yet!

I know my partner has conflicting views on the situation, which changed slightly when I asked if he would come home from work on Monday to help me as LMM was just inconsolable from word go that morning. He soon came to realise that tough love isn’t so easy when your 9 month old is crying, blowing bubbles from her nose and choking on the phlegm from her chest. So for nearly 2 hours he held her while she slept up against his chest in a beanbag, all the while busting for the loo and sporting a dead arm….Welcome to my world! For the rest of the day we took turns holding her so we could each have a break and get some chores done/get our sanity back. While I think perhaps he still isn’t too thrilled with LMM being a permanent fixture in our arms this week, I think he also realised sometimes you have to give the baby what it needs regardless of what you want.

It’s amazing what you can do with a child in your arms, asleep or otherwise. I managed to make a cup of tea, hold LMM while she slept and pay some bills (ok read Practical Parenting and watch a little Nashville on my laptop but bills sounds more efficient). This week while I had LMM in my arms I did 4 washings, put them in the dryer, folded and put them all away. Do the dishes and put them away. Brush my teeth, have a shower with LMM and well there’s more but I wont bore you with everything I accomplished during the week. I also learnt how useful your toes are for picking things up with when bending down with an infant isn’t an option, good old toes who knew they’d be so helpful!

LMM is now on the mend she’s happy to play on her play-mat, crawl about the house after me and doesn’t want held all day. Moments like this though when she still wants a cuddle to fall asleep make me realise, who cares what anyone else thinks. Life is so short and she’s going to grow up so fast. One day sooner than I realise she wont want mummy to hold her or rock her to sleep anymore. I’m going to grab every one-handed day that I can get and cherish every moment of it. xxx

It’s almost over….and about to begin!

Well as of tomorrow a horrendous part of my life will be over. I shouldn’t really say horrendous but towards the end of living in our rental I really was starting to just feel Bluh.
I had some lovely women come in to clean out the rental yesterday and I had to keep apologising to them for how dirty it was. The funny thing was that while I lived there I would swear that I kept it clean. I mean I know I was getting used to having a newborn and learning to juggle part-time work and a home life but the house after all the furniture and boxes moved out told a different story to the one playing in my head.
I promised the women that in my beautiful new home it would be lovely and clean for them when they came….This is where my partner rolls his eyes. ‘Whats the point of getting cleaners in if you’re going to clean it for them before they get there,’ well I don’t want them to think I’m dirty do I? Is my response to this clearly ridiculous question.
Tomorrow though I close the book on the depressing house that was hot in summer, cold in winter and full of those disgusting little black slug like crawly creatures that come in when its cold and wet.
No more ants, mice, energy-saving bulbs, or the concrete jungle of a back yard.
Hello to my beautiful newly built house which already has the promise of warmth, love and laughter. Minus any unwelcome intruders of any shape or form.
LMM is going to have the most amazing bedroom and playroom to make up for not having a proper nursery or play area for the first 8 months of her life.
Henry our Spanador will have a proper backyard and 3 parks around him to choose from for his walks.
As for my partner and I, well we jokingly call it the miracle house; where clothes will go in the clothes hamper, bedside tables will be free from water bottles, lolly wrappers and other bits of crap. Where we will get off our fat assess and go for family walks as often as possible and cook fabulous and healthy meals every night.
Here’s to a new beginning xxx

The Big ‘Let Go’

I made a promise to myself when I found out I was pregnant, that I wouldn’t let myself go. It’s a promise that I managed to keep while pregnant……not one I have kept since having LMM.

I was lucky during my pregnancy, I didn’t suffer morning sickness, I wasn’t overly tired and the worst thing I got was heartburn and headaches. So keeping my earlier promise to myself was easy I always left the house looking good (even if I do say so myself). Makeup on, hair done, clothes co-ordinated and everything that needed it I waxed and plucked.

Lets move to after LMM was born; for the first few months even though I felt tired and suffered with high blood pressure I still managed to keep my promise. I might note in here that part of the promise I had made to myself was to never wear my P.J’s past 9am. So far so good. P.J’s off the body before 9 o’clock and I left the house washed and looking not half bad (everything was still getting waxed and plucked at this point too).

I am now going to fast forward to the present day. My promise has left the building people, it has taken the express train to Reality Ville and parked up camp there.

Between, moving house, working, LMM teething and not sleeping through the night I’m lucky If I can pull myself out of bed let alone out of my Pyjama’s.

Firstly I can’t find half my clothes at the moment so my friends at work get to see me in lovely combinations of jeans, track suit tops and glittery flat shoes (this is on a good day!). My hairbrush has gone AWOL; so I’m substituting with my fingers a few bobby pins and the elastic bands we bundle our notes at work with. Makeup, if I do end up doing it, gets done in the car at work, and yes in there I have managed to brush my teeth and have a shower (I think, nah only kidding things aren’t that bad yet!).

To quote from one of my favourite movies at the minute…..My situation is no longer situated! Men at this point if your confused go and watch the movie ‘The Other Woman’, you’ll get the picture loud and clear :). I just don’t have the time to fully maintain at the minute, much to the dismay of my partner who isn’t thrilled on the 70’s look…my bushy eyebrows I meant…my goodness how low the mind goes! What did you think I meant?

The kicker for me is this, there are day’s when I’m at home and my pyjamas don’t come off till midday, mine or LMM. When did this reality happen? I’ve always taken pride in my appearance. That’s how my family raised me, to always leave the house looking respectable and well presented and I always have. That’s not to say that I’m walking round like a hobo or anything but for me standards have slipped.

If im brutally honest with myself though I don’t mind as much as I thought I would because it’s not as important some days as being with LMM or all the other things that need done, plus LMM doesn’t judge me on how I look just on how many hugs and smiles I give her and that’s a reality I can stand up to! xxx

On Little Miss M’s Time….

Before I was pregnant my time was my own. I got up when I wanted, went out when I wanted, went to the toilet when I wanted. I think you see a general pattern emerging here!

My time is not my own ANYMORE.

Let me use this morning as an example:

I need to get up for work; Little Miss M (or for this and future purposes LMM) wants to sleep in (go figure a baby that wants to sleep in).

I have an hour and a half to get the two of us feed and dressed, bottles done, bag packed for the day, dog feed and leave the house so that it doesnt resemble a bomb site. LMM wants to scoot around in her wheely chair like a bad ass, while I chase her round trying to feed her like a little old hunchback. Twenty minutes later half of breakfast is down her throat, some on the floor, the chair, her face, on me (I think you get the picture).

I am now already behind on my hour and a half timeframe and it’s only breakfast.

Next comes trying to change LMM. I want to get her nappy changed and clothes on so I can get ready (when I say ready I really just mean brush away the morning breath and leave the house minus the P.J’s). LMM wants to test out her new ability to stand up at the change table and root around at all the goodies on the 2nd shelf.

I am now really running behind on getting out on time.

Then the clincher she poops, a big smelly one. Remember though, I’m on her time…Thanks kid!

I finally get out the house 2 hours later.

I go to work and the day is my own for a good 7 hours, I now refer to this period as MY time.

When we get home it doesn’t really matter that dinner takes forever, bath time goes from 10min to 20 min or that it takes me half an hour to get her dried and changed, I really am fine with not getting to eat my own dinner in peace because LMM decides its time to practice climbing up my legs I even don’t mind that it can take a while to get her down because she has bionic hearing.

I dont mind that my time is now her time, because really its now our time and quite frankly could you ask for anything better?

Love you LMM xxx

The Beginning

It’s nearly 1 o’clock in the morning and even though my daughter has only gone down an hour ago and is more than likely going to be up in less than 3 hours here I am wide awake obsessing over my new Blog. I have no idea what I’m doing….That is quite frankly putting it mildly! I however can’t seem to put my computer down and shlep myself to bed, I desperately want to get started even if to be honest I start off with a not so completed blog site……Can you say Eager Beaver!

Yet this is something I have been wanting to do for a very long time. My motivation came from reading another mothers blog last night, what she wrote was simple and to the point and funny, so I plucked up the courage and did the final step to start my new journey (that of course would be to get my web hosting up and running). I thought that was me done and all I would have to do is start typing; boy was I wrong, there is a myriad of information and things to do to set up your site (If I was swearing anymore this is where I would insert the dreaded swear word f……k). I am however not swearing any more as my 8 month old already says mummy and yummmmm so I don’t want her next word to be profanity.

Well, I’ve started it may not be a very polished blog but its mine and hopefully the only way I can go from here is UP!!!

What I will do now however is drag my weary bottom to bed before my beautiful little one wakes me up for her 4 am feed.